Merry Christmas

I am thinking about you a lot today on Christmas. I went to a candlelight church service last night. There were only 15 other people there because of the winter storm we were hit with here in Portland. As the lights dimmed and we lit our candles to sing "Silent Night" I thought of you. I really felt you there with me in spirit, singing the carols and smiling.
Anyway, Merry Christmas Polly. I love you.

Happy Holidays, Everyone.

I meant for these two to be one piece but it was too long for UTUBE.

Thanksgiving

Its funny how when you live with someone, they are the people you don't turn the video on very often. Polly was right there with me living the Los Angeles life and sadly, I barely have any footage of her. I did find snippets from a Thanksgiving we had spent with some friends at their apartment. The friend happened to have pet rabbits and Polly was enamored! I'm sorry now I didn't capture more of her on video than I did. But I wanted to share it with you all. It was so good to see her smiling face again.

My Sweetheart

To Polly,

Heidi, Larry, Dad, Mom and all of Polly's friends,

It is very difficult for me to speak in a public format of my late sister. My challenge is to get up every day and realize that Polly is no longer a part of my life. My connection with Polly was something that I cannot put into words. Polly was a part of my life from the beginning-along with Heidi and Larry-since I can remember what family was all about. Her death is something that I have yet to come to terms with.

By speaking publicly of Polly's accident I feel that it is confirming her death and thereby forcing me to realize the unspoken truth. Polly is gone. My baby sister. I cannot realize that. I do not want to accept the truth. It is not right and it is tremendously unfair to rob such a beautiful and talented women of her long life.. It is also unfair and not right for our family to endure yet another struggle. Mary Beth and Clare should never endure the pain they have now. You know I love you both tremendously.

There are a billion of cute, classic, heartwarming stories that I could tell of Polly, but there is one that I will share with you right here right now:

We were at the Berry Road house back in the summer of 1987 and I had just graduated from Pioneer in Ann Arbor on my way to college at Colorado State University. Heidi and Larry had since left the house so Polly and I were the last of the clan at the Berry Rd. Polly was maturing through junior high at Clague and going through her own adolescent struggles. I remember coming home one night after work that summer and seeing Polly hanging out in her room next to mine (I think she was practicing the flute) This was just before I was due to go to Fort Collins for college. Polly said, "You're not leaving, are you? Don't leave me here all alone. I don't know what I'll do without you here."

Chris Tolonen

John Patrick Shanley

A couple weeks ago, I was working at the AFI Film Festival. The Opening Night film was Doubt directed by John Patrick Shanley and based on his award-winning play.

A friend of mine introduced me to him at the after party and I told him about Polly. I told him about how the most enjoyable time she had as an actor was when she and some friends pooled together their money, rented a theater, and put on a production of Savage in Limbo. She loved that play. And she loved that part.

Although it probably wasn't the appropriate time to hear such a story, he was at least moved enough to thank me and shake my hand.

I never got to see Polly do Savage in Limbo because we didn't reconnect until months after they put the show on. I only wish she took it upon herself more to create her own opportunities to perform.

Pictures

I'm hoping everyone will post some pictures of our Polly girl. Heidi recently sent me these and I laughed so hard. Polly and I had a "Christmas Karaoke" party one year at our place in Los Angeles. Polly being the actress that she is wanted to act out some invitation pictures of us pretending to sing. :)
Here they are.

Hoping for easier nights...

Tonight is one of those "hard nights"
as the sun is setting
I so wish I could call you.
I have taken up talking to you out loud
praying to you every night
sometimes, just sometimes
it helps.
I picture your hair and face products,
your calendar with all of your family
and friends birthdays and important reminders
I see your turtle, Goober
and always hear your laughter
still floating in the air.
When I am in this upset place
and I can not stop the tears
I remember your smile, your grace, your being
and I feel empowered.
It is not fair
you were taken from us
it is only fair that we were all blessed
with knowing you
and having you in our lives
I am uncontrollably missing
you tonight.